Listen More, Talk Less
“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time .” - M. Scott Peck
Listening Is Active, Not Passive
Having a conversation where you truly feel heard can be so very challenging. I was connecting with a new customer via a Zoom video chat recently, and although she requested the meeting, I'm not certain she truly heard anything I shared. Based on that experience, here are some tips to make sure others know you are listening.
Maintain eye contact with the speaker. If you are on a video chat, look into your camera. When I was speaking with my customer, she was at work and her eyes were constantly looking away from me. She may have been acknowledging another person who entered her space or she may have been looking at a second computer screen. Either way, it was distracting for me.
Silence your notifications. We all know we should have our phones on silent when we are meeting with someone else. There is nothing more distracting than trying to have a serious conversation with someone and their phone notifications start chiming. If there is a call or text that you know you must take, let the person you're speaking with know that at the beginning of the meeting. For example, "Although I'm not expecting this to happen, if my child's school calls, I must answer. They know to only call me if there is an emergency with my child."
Allow the person speaking to finish their thoughts. Resist the urge to finish the speaker's sentence if they pause for a moment or two. Allow them time to gather their thoughts and express what they want to say. Sometimes we just need a minute to process what has been said in order to clearly articulate what we need to say next. Interrupting the speaker can throw them off course and can be perceived as rude on your part.
Ask questions. The questions you ask should reflect that you heard what was said and want to dive a little deeper into the topic. Questions requiring additional clarification or questions that raise a different perspective or cause additional reflection for both parties can be helpful and demonstrate you care.
Acknowledge what was said. Reflect back to the speaker what they said. As a conversation comes to its conclusion, summarize what was said and/or talk about what action you will take as a result of the conversation. This allows both you and the person to whom you are speaking with to be clear on the next steps as a result of the conversation.
Being an excellent listener is important in all areas of our life. Your coworkers along with your family will appreciate you for it.
